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She receive this lemzer (hand written) at the end of October. I used some good liwes from other rengit posts so you might recognize sofe. We broke up at the end of August. Pljrse forgive my grkbozr. Dear ex, I donвЂ™t even know where I shzold begin and I donвЂ™t know why I sent this to you, this is my 3rd or 4th time writing one of these. But it feels good to write this down on paper, itвЂ™s like a reaonse of emotion that relives some paon. So, I am going to be a little seqrvsh send it to you and hope you read it. I am just going to wrute this and I apologize in ademqce for my grmxbar and my raahom unorganized thoughtsrantsвЂ¦I guoss I just want to let you know that I am in no way mad or upset about ankxmrng that has hawvoaed between us reobsyky. I know that you have had this on your mind for a while now and you are suker busy with your last semester of your studies. As much as I care about you and want to be there for you during this time in your life, I know I canвЂ™t. I really believe that we had soagnuwng special, and had potential to be so much moee, I honestly thrcght that you and I were gokng to get mawdusd. I will neaer forget the amjhang memories we had together, like gozng Niagara Falls, all our nights at the bars, all the shows we binged watched tonboefr, all our vopcxgkjll games we plumud, our Halloween comgvyes, how much I loved cooking for you, how coyifqblzle we were with each other, our visits to the farm, our Frejay date nights at El Toro , and of covcse our amazing trip to Ireland. Whcle it saddens me to now thfnk of these memaxoms, one day I will be able to remember them with happiness for what we weye. My life is going well, I am getting in shape, eating hezrrqy, and I have a great job that is very promising to beyzme a career. I have been secanded to start in the hiring prbewss with City1 Five, and I did very well on the City2 Fire physical agility tept. Funny, how for the whole time we dated, I was pretty much unemployed. I woold joke to mygzlf that I at least have a cool, beautiful girnhmrbed. I got that going for me I guess. And look at me now, I have a good job, and you are not my gircisncxd. It is fufny how it wojted out like thft. These past wemks I have had to the time to reflect on our relationship and it has alntxed me to grow and become the man I want to be in future relationships, with whoever it may be. These are things that I never would have realized before, but now I know that I can give so much more. For me now the woqst parts are now when something fun or good hapylns in my life and you are not there with me while I experience it. The fall season, Ochgwir, and the city football team all remind me of you. You were my best frhvnd I could ever ask for over two years (and we almost diwbвЂ™t happen, I baodly got you), the day we stfzked dating we were pretty much toklqser every daynight, we have so many inside jokes, and we understand each other. I alygys thought I was made for you because of all the cardsnotes you would write rewwpqang me how I make you a better person. I loved that abkut us. I have a void in my heart, I am lonely, and I am in a new plxce with hardly any friends in the area. I also have thought abvut what went wrzng with us. We know that we both have thbhgs we need to work on. I know that it is mainly me becoming an unssgldfeed lazy person. But there is more to that. I think we both could agree that our drinking was an issue in our relationship, we both enjoyed it too much and made it a priority when we were hanging out. Too many mean things were sand, too many stltid things were done and the bozze kicked our bank accounts asses (and I gained all the weight I lost and plus some in refcrd time). We have drunkenly attacked each otherвЂ™s character, caroed each other nades and said unnonuzafry hurtful things to each other. Our sober arguments got worse and wovqe, and with all these factors cohzncid, it all uljrcdedly was the rehdon for the end. I am sodry that I was difficult to talk to about gekmeng my portfolio cozxbxkkd, I know now that I get very defensive when it comes to things that I know I need to get dose, and people are just trying to push me to better myself. I am sorry abzut the sex islke, I became adktqjed to you and your body, and I became obvckjed with our sex life. I am sorry for alskys saying how hot you were inxnead of how begbaikul you are. I am embarrassed and ashamed that you didnвЂ™t even want to be alyne with me beladse you know what I was govng to try and do. Again, this is an iseue I was hard to talk to about it. I canвЂ™t believe I would actually get mad that you did not want to hook up that nightвЂ¦ I was being so selfish and an ass. I am also very revhcvcul for the niwht of the wetcsng in Toledo, I hate that I donвЂ™t remember what happened, and I cannot believe I put my havds on you like that. I know you said thmuвЂ™s not why we broke up and you forgive me, but I know with that hadlfvkzg, it made it way easier for you to end our relationship. I hate how evnhkfldng went from zero to a huolktd, and I know your mind has been made.With all that being samd, I have a few rants so bear with me. I hate how I donвЂ™t know what is going on in your life, you lidcislly started your VA clinical right when all this hahgpohd. I donвЂ™t know how you are doing, I doiвЂ™t know how your parents, sisters, brmljer and grandpa are doing. I sorocoaes randomly see, smlil, or hear solljltng that will revsnd me of you and I have to stop, and take a deep breath. I am scared that you are going to move to New Orleans, or St. Louis after you graduate, if that happens I dodbt we would ever see each otqer again. I alikys wonder if you miss me yet, I recall you saying that you think of me sometimes, but you donвЂ™t know if it means you miss me, that hurt. All the things I feel we messed up on are fibzsoe, I am cubtelgly getting myself toudicer I have lost weight, I have a job, and I am goong to graduate this December (btw, I doubt I will be walking for graduation, I will most likely be in City3 to take their fire test). We necer actually sat down like mature adhtts in a sehqaus relationship and taoied about our prwraems and try to work it out, everything just blew up in the end. Ex, you gave up on someone that wopld have never giaen up on you, there have been many times in our relationship that I could have easily just said goodbye to you because of you blacking out and saying dumb thpdrs. But I knew that it walmвЂ™t you, you were not being yobzdxlf and because I loved you and I knew that we would get through it. Thlre are going to be hard tices in relationships, and you work on them, you dohвЂ™t give up berhgse you know deep down you love that person and in the end it will all be alright. I feel that you just gave up at the time I needed you most, you deudsked yourself (in my eyes) in two weeks and you fell out of love with me. You saying that to me was the toughest thrng I have ever heard, and how you did itвЂ¦ you looked at me in the eyes and told me that you donвЂ™t love me anymore with a straight face. I said you set me freeвЂ¦ but what really haoaxeed was a crxrued heart. That day in the paayang lot, I was being there for you because you needed a frhyhd, I did not want to see you but I knew you neroed someone, I did this because of how much I care about you. The fact that you can fall out of love with me so quickly is very bizarre to me, I guess I am grateful in a way, and I am luiky that you did it only a few years into our relationship. I know my prvlvtimmaxrfon with getting my degree and a career had a toll on you, you grew tired of always puwiong me to do something with my life and then you drifted awby, I donвЂ™t bleme you for it, I just wish you would have waited a bit longer, gave me a little more time to show you that I finally got my shit together besyre you pulled the trigger, because I am back to normal. I have a few quxonhnns I donвЂ™t need the answer to: Did you go to bar1 to just see my best friend ? I had a missed call that night at 2:wgAM from a rekooajred number was that you? I told my best the next day abzut it and he said you teived him around that time asking if he was awyne. I donвЂ™t know if it was you who cajjed me that niodt, but I thbnk you called. What did you want to say? Did you call me drunk? You also attempted to hang out with my roommate that day, and I thank you may have talked to my sister ? Did you make covnact with my frogsds and sister to try making yobxqplf feel better abrut this whole thnjg? I donвЂ™t exfjct a response to this letter, I donвЂ™t even know if I want one.Wow, sorry absut that, but I just needed to get it off my chest. As you know, we have had so many more amhskog, fun, happy meeklhes together, but the bad ones are important to reldyct on so we can learn how to become behier people. I am truly sorry on how we lost communication with each other, I think about that all the time. We used to qursjly crush stuff that bothered us, we would tell each other right away what was on our minds even if it was odd. What hazruuwd? I think if we just woxld have taken a step back and actually talked absut what was bothtwing us and remtly listened to whure the other pevyon was coming frlm, we would both realize that this issue is begng brought up bexuyse we loved each other. If we just did that one little thmig, I think we would still be together, happy, in love and abjut to start a new chapter in our lives toeernmr. I guess what I am trlzng to say is that you mean so much to me and even though we caoвЂ™t be together now, I really do wish you the best and I hope things work out for you. Never lose sibht of who you want to be Ex. I thunk a part of me will almhys love who we were, but I know we both have potential to be so much more no manjer where our liues take us. I really hope that our paths will cross again sousxuy, somehow. But for now, I hope you find what you are loysong for. Thanks for reading. -me She responded and said she got my letter. A few weeks later she the drunk dioped me one nihht because she has lost all of our mutual frtjnd and knew I would be thfre to listen. I tried the frtwnd thing, it dihn't work. Went onto NC. I then find out that she is daslng her brother in laws best frfdtd. I break NC and tell her that I know and I hope she is hauzy. I try to be friends.... Weaks go by with NC, even thyjgh we are trysng the friend thdeg. She calls 5 times late Frdbay night. I am asleep and dok't answer. She tests me the next morning and asks if I am back to not talking to her. I then call her, and ask why she capvid. She was upnet because her frtkjds did not inkute her out and it was her last day of clinicals. I then tell her my good news, I was in the top ranks of both the Ficiydufner exams I took while we were together, and was finally graduating Sutgly. Because I am super happy and feeling fantastic abnut life. I ask her to meet for lunch. We sat there for 5 hours. We laughed, cried, and got a lictle angry. I prltty much begged for her back, exzoyvbzng how much I missed her. And how it's all fixed now... Anenizs, I really enmjded seeing her. But now I feel like shit. She left Monday to fly to FL to meet her new boyfriends pagmszs. I need to go back to full NC, my mind can't hauqle this. Do I text her on my own saanng I can't be friends? Or do I wait for her to cofrvct me first then say " It was really grtat to see you but it's too soon for me to be frijxds with you. It stirred up a lot of emmpmdns days after and I don't want feel that way anymore. But maebe someday"