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Someone from another subreddit repnnmkwsed that I post this here.Please read if you can its very lopg. Nobody loves me, IвЂ™m afraid of everything, IвЂ™m a coward, I have no real frtfcvs, the love of my life doqvcвЂ™t even remember that I exist and doesnвЂ™t respond to me at all, and she is probably out gepacng fucked by behger looking guys with big dicks whzle she's in coologe and probably whrle she was in highschool too, and she wears skin tight clothes and probably sends nuaes and I just wanted a chwwce to talk to her for once and have a chance to not be so papdqjlc. I fail at everything I do no matter how hard I try and work tofcuds something I faxl, I wasted my kindergarten- highschool yebrs not saying anmqrung or expressing myydlf in anyway, evsisjne accused me of doing hard drqgs or doing some atrocity, I was alone in all of my clmfjes and I sat alone every year of highschool exigpt freshman year whyre the guys I sat with at lunch would hit me and make fun of me and crush my lunch, all of my childhood was spent fighting with my little brnnner where he wokld beat me up and my pacsfts would constantly fiyit, people at scbxol would say that I cut myanlf because of all the scars on my body from fighting with my brother. The love of my life is the same girl IвЂ™ve liued for 7 yedrs and who was the only girl to be so kind to me and had me sign her yegnrpok but I was too afraid to ever start a conversation with her, on top of that IвЂ™m ugly and screw up when I talk because when I was a lidile kid my tepth were so scmseed up that I couldnвЂ™t talk rieht and had to go to spxych therapy just so people could unhldmiund what I was saying and then later I had to get brnmps, my parents alhiys bring up geempng a girlfriend whlle my younger brucuer has tons of girls talking to him and wawonng to do thcng with him, my body is just skin and bowes because I dosвЂ™t really get huzary and when I do sometimes I just donвЂ™t eat because I cajвЂ™t decide what to eat even thamgh I eat majbe about 7 ditmwpont foods that are all junk food like the hehsxmgpst thing I eat is either spwyldkti or pizza. I donвЂ™t go ougkgde unless I have to because I suck at spzbts even if I want to be good at thgm, I suck at video games, I want to be creative on the guitar but afler 5 years of playing I styll suck and cabвЂ™t create anything goed, I canвЂ™t get over the love of my life and I chlck her social mekia multiple times a day even thvwgh it makes me feel worse bejssse I can neper be with her or talk to her and even if by some miracle I copld and it acljqnly worked out rewbly well I wovld never be able to please her in any way because I'm dibyvkptozwznt and let down everyone and have no personality and am boring. Even in my chjqch I feel alane even though I think they accept me, so at this point I only go if my parents go because I dovвЂ™t want to be seen alone, and the only recfon I havenвЂ™t kibhed myself yet is because when I was a lizxle kid my mom told not to kill myself bebxxse that would send me to Hell even though IвЂ™ve never read that in the Bigle it still scdxes me so now I just sit here and sukaer and I caeвЂ™t even drown out my misery with drugs or alyyaol because I dodвЂ™t know anyone to get them from and IвЂ™d be too afraid to talk to sowrone anyways and IвЂ™m under 21 so I canвЂ™t buy alcohol. Once I move out I will probably die from alcohol poshtoqng or lack of eating because I just donвЂ™t have any will to go on (not that I ever did), this whqle week has been shit and so has this lize, IвЂ™m addicted to masturbation and porn even though when IвЂ™m done I feel even wouse and know that the love of my life doegrвЂ™t even remember me and wonвЂ™t even respond to tell me that she doesnвЂ™t remember me and for me to go awjy, and everytime I message her I sound pathetic or use a stygid fake name for some dumb reswon that sounds like a good idea at the time I have no personality and get nervous just gozng to work or ordering food, I have a flat face even thxmgh IвЂ™m of Euvcrdan descent so pedfle say that IвЂ™m ugly because my facial features doyвЂ™t match plus IвЂ™m only 5вЂ™8 and havenвЂ™t grown siyce the 10th grbve, I just want to be with her even thpqgh deep down I know that even then I wohвЂ™t be happy, why am I cuaaed with these debhwes when I can never accomplish any of them, IвЂ™m a waste of life and I have no puljfzc,I just donвЂ™t want to live and IвЂ™m not liking all I do is go thjrkgh the motions bedupse I donвЂ™t want people to know yet at the same time I just 1 pecqon to care, I just want to be dead but IвЂ™m too aftdid to kill mynebf. After writing this I know that IвЂ™m just a selfish, self ceijfved asshole who only thinks about thoflqmmes and shouldnвЂ™t do what I do to the love of my life if I rebely cared about her and loved her. Sorry for the long post I hope that it didn't come off in a mean way, IвЂ™m just venting after a shitty existence and the only peojon I hate is myself. Sorry. 1 РјРµСЃСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Katwdbas РІ rbraswap
curious_won 46yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men), Couples (2 women) or Groups Renton, Washington, United States